Facing Reality

 

Well here is the story I never thought I would have to tell... Early August I went to bed like normal, in the middle of the night I woke up hurting, I felt like an elephant found its resting spot.   I was like hmm this isn’t normal but maybe if I turn over, go to the bathroom and try to go back asleep I’ll feel better in the morning.  Well morning came and the pain hadn’t gone away. So I did the unthinkable (in my eyes, going to the dr was not ever on my list of things to do), I went to CVS minute clinic. Quick diagnosis - walking pneumonia, sweet some meds and I will feel better in the AM after some rest.  Well a week went by and I felt worse, didn’t understand because the first 2 days I felt great, the cough even went away. 

Well one week to the day my husband convinced me to go back to the dr. with a lot of push back I finally went and this is where it all starts....

 


How can a X Ray start this nightmare


Well here I am walking into Urgent Care, not thinking anything of it.  I really thought the pneumonia just got worse.  I was seen by this amazing Dr. who checked me and said I don’t hear pneumonia but I can tell you don’t feel well. She asked if she could take some X-Rays and I agreed because I just wanted to feel better.

After doing the X-Ray I went back to the room and waited.  I was kinda confused on why it was taking so long but the DR. came back to my room with a white face.  I knew something wasn’t good but little did I know that I would be where I am now..

She begins to tell me she see’s a mass on my “lung”, after another test we learned it was actually my esophagus, (to be continued). She orders a CT scan and sends me to a lung specialist.

I follow DR orders and go and have the CT scan done and meet the lung DR. 2 days later.  He confirms I have a mass/tumor on my esophagus not my lungs.  It was a bit of relief, because it sounded like I only had an infection.  But in order to see what was causing the tumor, I had to have an endoscopy. 

Well I went and had that done and waited on my results. Walked back into my DR’s office waiting to hear you have .... this infection here’s some meds. Nope not today.

I find out now that the test showed no infection but couldn’t determine if I had lymphoma... so the next step is now surgery.. ugh.. I didn’t want to hear that and broke down into tears in his office. I felt awful for my DR. because I’m sure he wasn’t expecting that. He offered me a tissue and scheduled my surgery with the best surgeon in GA. That I was very thankful for.



Surgery — Results that changed my life


Well, it took a little while to get surgery scheduled because of my work schedule. I am the reason not in anyway was my work to be blamed.
So, we get to the hospital and the first thing the surgeon says is we will get rid of that cough. I was very excited to hear that. Surgery was completed and the initial results is no cancer... YES! My whole family was relived, hell I was too, but I still wanted answers. Why didn’t the cough go away and why is the elephant still there?  
Well 2 weeks passed still no answers...
Head to the lung DR again, first question I ask is do you have my results I still haven’t heard anything... well here it is... the day that changed my life forever.
My Dr. pulls up my results and said well you don’t have an infection.  Well my immediate response was what is wrong with me?!?!
He got pale and said the one thing we didn’t want it to be —— Hodgkin Lymphoma ........
I immediately said NO you said I didn’t have cancer, he shows me in writing that I actually did and I busted into tears... this time you could tell he felt awful!  He tried to reassure me that we will beat this!
Through my tears I ask what is next, he calls the oncologist while I’m in his office and gets my appointment set up... did I tell you this was 2 days before Thanksgiving! He didn’t have to do this but he cared and saw that I was crushed.  I can’t thank him enough. 
I leave his office in tears, 40 minutes later his office calls just to make sure I was ok.  I honestly didn’t expect service like this.  I am truly blessed to have such an amazing DR.

First meeting —


Well here we are... 2 weeks ago I was told I had cancer. I told my husband, my parents and best friend that I had cancer..still in tears I still didn’t understand what was coming out of mymouth..itdidn’t seem real. 
Reality hit Sunday Nov 26th.  I had just made dinner, not feeling so hot (nausea has taken over) I get my kids in the kitchen.  I try so hard not t cry but looking them in the eyes I couldn’t hold it in.. I told them I found out what was wrong with me and that it turned out to be a form of cancer called Hodgkin Lymphoma.  My oldest said mom you got this, my middle busted out in tears and said no!!, my youngest I don’t think really understood but had tears in his eyes because I was upset.  I told them to ask any question and if I knew the answer I would answer the best I could. Questions come, and for the most part I have the answer, but I’m waiting for that day I can’t.
Well, I have had a PET scan and it shows the cancer is still in the same area and hasn’t spread. (That is great news, because it keeps me at stage 2).
I met my surgeon again, and my port goes in Thursday. Wednesday I have bone marrow pulled, doesn’t sound comfortable but I don’t think I am getting ready for comfort!

Still to this day I don’t think it has sunk in. I’m not sick, I just have an annoying cough. 
I know I am on paper but when will it hit me? I have so many questions and no answers... I don’t drink, I eat pretty healthy, and have never in 41 years ever done drugs. Hell I have a hard time taking Tylenol, how am I suppose to handle Chemo!!, what did I do wrong?, I believe I treat everyone fair but why was I picked... yes some of this may sound selfish and I’m sorry, please don’t think ill of me. I’m just trying to stick to my plan and raise my boys and enjoy time with my husband, friends and family... 
Knowing my travel is coming to a hault I have tried to fit everything in.. 
Sitting isn’t my strong suite. But to know I won’t be exhausted anymore ( yes I thought I was working to hard and having too much baseball going on at one time), and my clothes will fit again. Weight loss for some is great but I was happy with my size. 
So here is to the road to recovery.... I will beat this! 
Wish me luck!

One Heck of a Week