23. February 2018

No Chemo

Well here we are, my Rockstar support team ready to kick session 3/round 5. Yep, that is my oldest son Bodie. He wanted to see what his mom goes through every other week. At first I was uncomfortable with him going but after talking to Joshua, he made me see that this might help him understand a bit more. So we arrived to the Dr ready to get this session started, only to find out that my counts were low and chemo was NO GO.

So instead of Bodie being able to watch me receive treatment, I walked him around the chemo room where he was able to see others getting treatment. I do believe that gave him a taste of reality.

Positive News

I was given good news today, my treatment is working. Wasn’t able to see my scan but will ask to see on my next visit.

Thank You

Again, I can’t thank everyone enough for their donations, gifts, kind words, and prayers! You all have really been AMAZING!

As I prepare for this week I try and get in the frame of mine that I have Cancer. No it still hasn't set in. I stayed super busy with

work so I didn't have time to think. I am so thankful I have a job that doesn't require me to sit behind a desk.

Well, Wednesday came.... This was bone marrow day... I got in the shower like any other day and completely lost it. I couldn't control my tears, I didn't and still don't understand why this is happening. But I dried my tears up and headed to the DR like a champ.

All I can say is this is not for the weak hearted. I felt like I was having a baby all over again when they started numbing me. The big kicker was when they numbed the bone. HOLY MOLY... talking that was no joke.

Well the DR started the procedure and first was the removal of bone marrow. All I could think about was my co-worker eating it at the fancy steak house we went to in San Francisco, I couldn't help but to laugh because it was so gross looking.

The best part (yes I am joking) was the removal of bone. My DR and nurse were funny, they said we have a strong one here. They said this because they asked if I needed a break from the bone marrow removal before they started to remove my bone. I said no, I never felt anything from the bone marrow removal so why would I need a break. Boy oh Boy, did I feel the bone removal. I actually made a squeaking noise because it hurt. That is when my DR stopped and removed what I can assume is a hollow needle. Once the needle came out he was so excited because he actually got 2 samples of bone. I wanted to celebrate with him since he was so excited, LOL. Once they bandaged me up I was able to see the sample of bone. It was amazing. I guess I was a good patient because they offered me a drink and snack. I wasn't up for the snack but the drink I was, kinda wish it was a bit stronger than water, LOL (totally joking).

I got a few more updates on this visit, my DR doesn't want to say I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma yet, he saw new spots on my PET scan that makes him think it could be Non Hodgkin's so he needed more samples of the big tumor. That meant I would be getting cut again, he wanted my surgeon to do that while he was putting the port in. I also found out that I will start Chemo on the 22nd. I picked this day because my dad would be here, this seemed to make everything OK since he would be here to help if I needed it plus he is my dad and he makes everything better!!

Surgery DAY......

The day I have been waiting on is finally here. Not a fun wait but just another step closer to getting better. As we are driving to the hospital I notice on my chart that the second surgery was approved. Wasn't overly excited to know I would be getting cut in 2 places but it was what it was, didn't have much of a choice.

I get to the hospital and they take me and my husband back. It seemed like we have walked this hallway one two many times. But we knew the routine, all I can say is thank God for YouTube. My husband had me watching some crazy videos which lightened the mood.

My surgeon came in and he explained the process, I told him that I didn't think our first meeting would turn into a relationship and he agreed, but he reassured me that we were on the right step to feeling better. (still in the back of my mind, I hear him saying we don't want to cut you up and leave many scares since I looked like I had very little surgeries or injuries which he was correct but now I feel like a chopping block). Time to get this process started, as I arrive to the surgery room I saw my surgeon one last time and his last response was I'll see you when you wake up!

I woke up and felt so much pain, and the nausea kicked in, the patch didn't help this time. They were able to control the nausea by putting something in my IV, but the pain, WOW is all I can say. I was finally discharged and able to head home. I slept most of the ride home and my sweet husband offered to buy me ice cream so when I felt up to it I would have something sweet to munch on.

I slept most of the day and woke up because of the pain. Just a bit of advice, if you every have to have surgery and know that you and your care taker will not want to make dinner - Crock Pots are the jam!! We had the best soup for dinner.

Of course I didn't stay up too long but I also didn't sleep to long either. I just couldn't get comfortable, so instead of waking up my house I took another pain pill and just sat in the living room and crocheted the morning away.

I was finally able to take a shower - this was a HUGE REALTIY CHECK!!! I asked my husband for help to remove the bandages, this was the unveiling of my future. I was so shocked I sent a picture to my family, this was my future!! this was my new life!! I got into the shower and once again cried!!! This still wasn't real, why did I look like I was just beaten up, why did I have a knot on my left side, why did I bruise so badly this time... SO many WHY's not enough answers.

I tried to get ready for the day but I couldn't stop the tears. Reality was sinking in... This is my life... I have CANCER!!!