No Go On Treatment

16. July 2018

Chemo 6.1 / 6.2

Well I want to apologize for not writing about chemo 6.1, it was truly uneventful. Same side affects just a different round. Now to the good stuff! Final Chemo 6.2 It was finally the day! Final chemo! Dad, Bodie and Chris came with me and we tried to make it as memorable as possible. It was kinda sad but of course a very HAPPY day! You make “friends” who are going through a similar battle, you see them every other week or 3weeks. You see them get weak, then get strong. You talk about your...

06. June 2018

Go Fund Me

https://www.gofundme.com/sandrazamorabrezinski I thought I would share the Go Fund Me account my aunt set up for me, it has been a life saver. The cost of cancer is unreal. Y’all I have one prescription that is $78.00 and every other week I have to fill one that’s $10.00. I currently take 3 pills everyday and on chemo weeks it turns into 8-10 pills. And then all the co-pays and unwanted extra Dr. visits the cost is insane. But to everyone who has donated thank you, I promise it’s all...

05. June 2018

Chemo 5.2

Well here we are 10 rounds of chemo under the belt. Who would of thought a year ago I would be talking about cancer and chemo, definitely not me. Well we are down to 2 more but it will be at least another month before I can say I am done. With low blood counts I continue to have a 2 week breaks. Well this has been a bit of an emotional round, I’ll let you in on a bit of my feelings/ emotions.

20. May 2018

Chemo 5.1

Well here we are, the final 4. Treatment was brutal, I felt sick shortly after we left while having lunch. This was odd but not unexpected, I ended up sleeping most of the day. I also missed another holiday, Mother’s Day. Kids came over early but by mid-day I couldn’t focus and ended up sleeping most of the day. All and all Chemo sucks. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I still can’t see it. Personal Struggles - Well I am going to complain because I need to get it out....

28. April 2018

Chemo 4.2

Well I have complete my 4th round of chemo with the help of my friend Chris (in picture). I took this chemo with a friend this time which was scary, I’m such a private person and toletsomeoneoutside of my inner circle took a lot of strength. I wouldn’t normally allow this but he is someone I would trust with my kids, so I knew I could trust him with this experience. Icantruly say it was fun, we had the whole room talking. He was such a trooper, he saw me at my weakest and made sure I was...

12. April 2018

I got hair

So the day came and I got hair! The experience was amazing, my old boss and friend Laura went out of her way to make sure this day happened. She flew in from Miami for the day! She made me feel like a girl again, by giving me the gift of hair. You have no idea how amazing it was to feel it fall in my face, god I miss it. I do torture myself and watch videos of updos, bad hair cuts and just cool hair dying. I wonder often when it comes back full will I color it or just keep it natural. One thing...

12. April 2018

Chemo 4.1

Well we finally started the second half!🎉 I had to skip the week of Easter because my white counts were to low. Talking about a bummed out person, but on the bright side I was able to gohomeandmeet my niece. Y’all she is so amazing! Hell, all my nieces and nephews are amazing, along with my kids (all 5 of them). I do believe visiting family is just what the dr orderedandit wastotally worth it. Picture: yes that’s my brother, we hear we look alike so he wanted to prove it. Lol, But he...

22. March 2018

Chemo 3.2 - Half Way Point

So here we are, HALF way done. Man that sounds nice. Well, treatment is going smoothly, not many issues. I’m still very tired after, still have the allergic reactions during treatment and having to take Benadryl to help relieve the itch. I did experience something new this round which was a killer stomach ache, one that I can’t describe. It wasn’t gas pains, it wasn’t cramps, it was just kick your butt I want you to hurt pains. The only thing that helped was Tums and sleep. Chemo really...

09. March 2018

My Oncologist did my hair

Well it finally happened, I had to say good bye to my hair.✌🏼 Talking about the hardest thing about this journey so far, I would have surgery again if I didn’t have to lose my hair. Yes, right now I sound super self centered but I love hair, it is an amazing way to be able to express yourself. I have heard many people say bald is beautiful, I agree it is, but it isn’t me. Being hairless is me now, but if you knew how awful I feel and the tears I have cried and still to this day cry, I...

03. March 2018

Chemo 3.1

So here we are, almost half way there! I was given the clear to have chemo today. The dr said my counts were good and I might be that patient that may need to do 3 treatments and then abreak. All I know is I want to be done! So here are some updates: Saw my scan, I saw my first scan and wow I was glowing. All my Lymphoma was definitely in my upper body but now when you look nothing is glowing. Yes, I needed the visual to believe treatment is working. Side affects: well I am talked about even...

As I prepare for this week I try and get in the frame of mine that I have Cancer. No it still hasn't set in. I stayed super busy with

work so I didn't have time to think. I am so thankful I have a job that doesn't require me to sit behind a desk.

Well, Wednesday came.... This was bone marrow day... I got in the shower like any other day and completely lost it. I couldn't control my tears, I didn't and still don't understand why this is happening. But I dried my tears up and headed to the DR like a champ.

All I can say is this is not for the weak hearted. I felt like I was having a baby all over again when they started numbing me. The big kicker was when they numbed the bone. HOLY MOLY... talking that was no joke.

Well the DR started the procedure and first was the removal of bone marrow. All I could think about was my co-worker eating it at the fancy steak house we went to in San Francisco, I couldn't help but to laugh because it was so gross looking.

The best part (yes I am joking) was the removal of bone. My DR and nurse were funny, they said we have a strong one here. They said this because they asked if I needed a break from the bone marrow removal before they started to remove my bone. I said no, I never felt anything from the bone marrow removal so why would I need a break. Boy oh Boy, did I feel the bone removal. I actually made a squeaking noise because it hurt. That is when my DR stopped and removed what I can assume is a hollow needle. Once the needle came out he was so excited because he actually got 2 samples of bone. I wanted to celebrate with him since he was so excited, LOL. Once they bandaged me up I was able to see the sample of bone. It was amazing. I guess I was a good patient because they offered me a drink and snack. I wasn't up for the snack but the drink I was, kinda wish it was a bit stronger than water, LOL (totally joking).

I got a few more updates on this visit, my DR doesn't want to say I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma yet, he saw new spots on my PET scan that makes him think it could be Non Hodgkin's so he needed more samples of the big tumor. That meant I would be getting cut again, he wanted my surgeon to do that while he was putting the port in. I also found out that I will start Chemo on the 22nd. I picked this day because my dad would be here, this seemed to make everything OK since he would be here to help if I needed it plus he is my dad and he makes everything better!!

Surgery DAY......

The day I have been waiting on is finally here. Not a fun wait but just another step closer to getting better. As we are driving to the hospital I notice on my chart that the second surgery was approved. Wasn't overly excited to know I would be getting cut in 2 places but it was what it was, didn't have much of a choice.

I get to the hospital and they take me and my husband back. It seemed like we have walked this hallway one two many times. But we knew the routine, all I can say is thank God for YouTube. My husband had me watching some crazy videos which lightened the mood.

My surgeon came in and he explained the process, I told him that I didn't think our first meeting would turn into a relationship and he agreed, but he reassured me that we were on the right step to feeling better. (still in the back of my mind, I hear him saying we don't want to cut you up and leave many scares since I looked like I had very little surgeries or injuries which he was correct but now I feel like a chopping block). Time to get this process started, as I arrive to the surgery room I saw my surgeon one last time and his last response was I'll see you when you wake up!

I woke up and felt so much pain, and the nausea kicked in, the patch didn't help this time. They were able to control the nausea by putting something in my IV, but the pain, WOW is all I can say. I was finally discharged and able to head home. I slept most of the ride home and my sweet husband offered to buy me ice cream so when I felt up to it I would have something sweet to munch on.

I slept most of the day and woke up because of the pain. Just a bit of advice, if you every have to have surgery and know that you and your care taker will not want to make dinner - Crock Pots are the jam!! We had the best soup for dinner.

Of course I didn't stay up too long but I also didn't sleep to long either. I just couldn't get comfortable, so instead of waking up my house I took another pain pill and just sat in the living room and crocheted the morning away.

I was finally able to take a shower - this was a HUGE REALTIY CHECK!!! I asked my husband for help to remove the bandages, this was the unveiling of my future. I was so shocked I sent a picture to my family, this was my future!! this was my new life!! I got into the shower and once again cried!!! This still wasn't real, why did I look like I was just beaten up, why did I have a knot on my left side, why did I bruise so badly this time... SO many WHY's not enough answers.

I tried to get ready for the day but I couldn't stop the tears. Reality was sinking in... This is my life... I have CANCER!!!